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Date:2010-07-31 21:30
Mood: contemplative

THE INTERNET IS AMAZING. Admittedly, I have never had a computer that can do as much as the netbook can, so I am the latest. Still, I downloaded Pokemon 2000, Pokemon 3, and Pokemon 4ever, in a continuing fit of "you never forget your first fandom." Then I turned around and downloaded My Fair Lady. (I know what you're thinking--yes, I have that too. Right now I only have an ISO image version, and I just have to take the time to figure out how to mount it. The search for a torrent of the original cut rather than the director's cut continues...)

We used to have so much fun back in those days, didn't we, guys? Those are not "great movies," but they are FUN. Team Rocket antics, the Slowking's random "I could use pants," the sudden homoeroticism (inadvertent incest?) of 4 (see icon), and the random followup call of "OMG LOLITASHIPPING." My squee every time our heroes (er, well) come on screen. Why was Delia so determined to go out to the Hale mansion, and why did Sam know better than to stop her? Are we supposed to think that Spencer transmuted himself into Entei somehow while he was trapped in with the Unown, as a means of getting into Molly's newly fabricated and Unown-fueled dream world? This was fun shit to worry about back then, and occasionally I wonder whatever's happening to them all. Do they even show them on Pokemon anymore? Are there still Gym/ Poke/ Pallet ship wars, or are Dawn/ Paul/ May/ whoever the hell the hot people now? Screw it, I'm going to Bulbagarden right now.

On a related tangent, the Jonas brothers thing that's on TV now is pretty terrible. I could see myself eating it up ten years ago, though.

Nothing more substantial. I'm unhappy and this is my way of covering.

(4 watch in envy | show your own talent)

Date:2010-05-26 00:36
Mood: nostalgic

Saw this on the wall of a gate at Harvard and thought it was lovely.Collapse )

Yeah, what he said, and the reunion stuff hasn't even happened yet. Although despite (maybe even because of?) his ghosts of those attending the festival rites from the age that is past, there's a vibrancy to the life here in Cambridge. Is it the fact that it's a college, and so young people are always coming and going? Is it something about the constant dialogue of the mind? Is it merely just the byproduct of being attached to a larger city? Coming here from a place that was stagnant when the world began and is getting worse by the day is a jarring experience.

(show your own talent)

Date:2010-05-16 18:25

I have nothing useful to add in this entry, but I wanted to let you all know that I am updating this from my BRAND SPANKING NEW TO ME NETBOOK. I've never had a computer who can get on highspeed internet, that can function for a long period of time without an adaptor, or that can do everything so quickly--and the netbook is doing all three, no sweat. You should see my mom's new to her laptop--she's over the moon. Yay for pawnshop shopping...

Although I still don't have wireless stuff at home (yet?) I can at least write everywhere!

(3 watch in envy | show your own talent)

Date:2010-05-10 19:38
Mood: exhausted

OMG. My college roommate not only got married, she is also pregnant with twins. Talk about a mindfuck--I still think of her as the girl who used to sit in front of her computer barely clothed, thumb in mouth, reading General Hospital fanfiction. Yes, seriously.

ALSO, she ate the whole can of Pringles I'd bought one day. I'd brought them home to eat as a post-Tuesday treat (my rehearsal until 11) night, and I certainly would have shared them. But when I got home, THEY WERE ALL GONE AND I WAS SO MAD AND I CAN'T BELIEVE I STILL FEEL ACTUAL RAGE ABOUT THAT AFTER ALL THESE YEARS. I mean, they were just potato chips, but I was waiting to eat them and :(

The upside story was that I learned how to go buy cinnamon scones as a Tuesday treat instead. So the story ended happily.

There will probably be more stories like this as the 10th reunion grows closer. "Look, here's how this person failed! Now they are so happily married and have beautiful children and a stellar life!"

(show your own talent)

Date:2010-04-19 19:08
Mood: sick

Dear self:

Just because you CAN buy this doesn't mean you should.


Meanwhile, I went out this weekend and was able to buy a bunch of clothes, etc. that I needed (because the other incarnations were starting to become full of holes) and some shoes for the Commencement Marshal gig AND some memory chips for the cameras. That means I spent almost $250 at the mall... and didn't even flinch because I had it to spend after all the bills and such. Hard to stand up to your principles of "I will rage against the establishment" when the jobs pay you!

Also, I bought a book written by a former Salem girl. Hard to know if I knew her--we're Facebook friends, though I don't think we ever were there at the same time? She wrote a memoir of being what she calls "a Rebel Deb." Empowering Southern women who can be sweet Southern belles and stand up for themselves simultaneously. I was sort of flabbergasted, as she painted Salem as being full of rich bitches. Well, yeah? So? I don't know what the point of my mentioning this was, other than the fact that it struck me as odd that someone would write about private school being full of snotty people as if it should be shocking. Also, more as a quick note of "There may have been rich bitches, but there were also many more rich nice girls."

I take all that back. The point of that paragraph is really to go, "Look, this chick wrote an okay but ultimately cliche memoir that is now published, and she's like 28. Come on, self, get a move on."

(3 watch in envy | show your own talent)

Date:2010-02-19 10:23
Mood: shocked

Job has been offered.

$30,000, which I expected, but benefits. Even with taxes still more than what I get, and given all the exitement recently kicked up by the Harvard people, definitely necessary.

They're pretty open about it being a hot mess. But it all sounds so doable! Like, what is the problem? Can they just not get it together? I don't know.

Going in to panic with everybody at work in a bit.

(8 watch in envy | show your own talent)

Date:2010-02-12 16:37
Mood: worried

It's kind of like, when I post, stuff happens.

I got the email for the second interview today, which is good news, I guess. I'm even more worried, though, upon hearing that the woes of the position have even reached across the street to cfchan's family's place! The consensus seems to be "Heaven help the person that gets there." D: ;_; But MONEY, but sanity.

Always be careful what you wish for. It's a cautionary tale!

(show your own talent)

Date:2010-01-27 19:09
Mood: pensive

First of all, happy birthday, Mozart! ♥

Next, the interview. It felt terribly corporate. "Give an example of a time where you failed and how you handled it." Well, I don't really know what to say to these kinds of things other than, "If something goes wrong, hurry up and fix it however you need to." There were pretty blatant overtures of, "We have to double up workloads because our budget won't allow up to pay for extra people," and "Oh, yes, we're trying to shore up our group sales and we need a person who can be in charge of that task force," and "We're all pretty much crazy here."


It went well, don't get me wrong. But I'm still uncomfortable. What I'm hearing when they talk is, "Yes, you will already be working hard. But you've got to handle this other job too, and you must increase our profit margin. And if you don't, well, then..."

Which is well and good, I suppose. That's really what businesses are supposed to do--make money. Where I get tripped up is the part where I have to go out and get people to buy stuff. And people just aren't going to do that right now, because they don't have the money. And there seems to be an undercurrent of "We want results now now now. Give us whatever we demand of you now now now. If you don't, you're out of a job." This is usually how it works, sure, but I think they're expecting things out of me that I'm just not comfortable with. This isn't making any sense, mainly because I haven't been allowed to articulate it to anyone--they cut me off with screams of "you're just trying to sabotage yourself," or "look, you're just listening to naysayers." IDK.

So there's all that. I'm stressed out and don't know what to do, but fortunately, no decision has to be made yet about anything.

Also, I can't stop watching this.

Yeah, I don't know. Conan's pretty awesome, though.Collapse )

(6 watch in envy | show your own talent)

Date:2010-01-26 09:46
Mood: curious

I'm leaving this for ket_makura, because I saw it and she may enjoy?

Funnily enough, right after that last entry the Symphony came along and asked me about an interview. Which happens today at 2. I'm not nervous, really--but I talked to Andrew (a violinist who worked there in an office capacity too), and he gave me the rundown:

--Don't do it for less than $35,000, because that's really what the job is work, but more importantly, what I'm worth
--Everything will be cool for the first couple of months, and then they will slowly start to demand things of you that really are not your job
--Bob (the conductor) is a problem to everyone.

BUT he also said I owed it to myself to check it out, and he said that it was certainly a job I could do. We'll see?

I'm running down the street to get breakfast. When I come back, I may add some more to this. IDK.

OH, before I forget, yes, lilypeters, I did get that letter, and it was fabulous! I haven't written back yet specifically because there has been NOTHING that's been worth writing back about...

(4 watch in envy | show your own talent)

Date:2010-01-05 17:06
Mood: nervous

In the first ominous strike of the year, TL just called and said that starting Monday he'll be working on commission.

Yes, commission for washing cars.

He ends up getting $5 per car. So let's say 20 cars come that day (an average day). He and the other guy will get to wash those 20 and split the profit. That makes 10 cars per guy that they'll get paid for. 10 cars X $5 = $50 for a day of work, on a good day.

At least he still has benefits, for now, but this is a VERY BAD SIGN.

Meanwhile, Alex continues talking shit about the Symphony in order to make me even more discouraged about the job. I still haven't heard anything from them, though, so maybe it's evening out? The second wave of people moving in our complex for repairs/ renovations/ general GTFOing starts this month, which means we'll be moving somewhere in March, heaven knows where. (I don't even know if I've mentioned it here yet, but after 17 years we'll have to move into a smaller apartment and IDK.)

I do not like the prospects for this year already, and we're like 5 days into it.

(show your own talent)

Date:2010-01-01 11:15
Mood: indescribable

Hey, guys, we all made it through 2009 relatively unscathed!

What amazes me is that at the end of the year, everyone started actually... getting better. Know what I mean? Everyone was just so down and out and then... maybe it's the holidays and maybe I'm just projecting like one of those new projector cell phones, but everyone really started to seem happier. Like, "hey, this year is almost done and awesome things are starting to happen or if nothing else, AT LEAST THIS YEAR IS ALMOST OVER."

Although I don't know that it feels any different on my end, really. I steeped outside this morning and things looked exactly the same. There were still people in the back parking lot screaming about going to buy cigars; the sun was out, and the air was a little bit warm. Mother was in the kitchen, starting the traditional southern New Year's day meal of collards and black-eyed peas and some sort of pig entrail (not chitterlings this go-round, but some part of the pig--apparently all these things MEAN SOMETHING ABOUT GETTING MONEY, but dashed if I still understand how all that works). We were grappling with watching the Rose Parade or Maury (Maury appears to be a repeat). The heat still hadn't filtered through the house effectively.

I think the only things that changed were:
--suddenly we have to start writing "10" on everything instead of "09"
--something in me--heaven knows what, though. The something that's tired of being tired? Heaven also knows how long that will last.

New Year's Days are always fraught with my own soul-searching twaddle, though, so enough of that. I just hope we all continue the trend of improvement, of being willing to go after things, of finding our joy.

(1 watch in envy | show your own talent)

Date:2009-12-21 20:16
Mood: okay


First off, my cards to all my regular people are going to be late, mainly because I have been working like a demon. I don't think they'd be so late if I didn't have that compulsive need to write oodles of "OMG ILU HERE'S WHY YOU ARE AWESOME" in each one of them. Hey, but that's my excuse to have actual "yes, there is a person behind this screenname" with all of you! :) So if I've got your address and you haven't seen anything yet, it should come next week...

NEXT, re: that Symphony opportunity. Turns out that their Ticket Office Manager (whoo, fancy title) has a new job working with the Eastern Music Festival in Greensboro, so they need someone else. I know everyone down there, of course, just because whenever they come to Stevens, they're the ones I deal with, either with my box office hat on or my house managing hat. I sit on the Carolina Chamber Symphony board with the president of WSS, too. So I wasn't suprised to hear that they thought of me first. It's scary to think that I might be in charge of all their stuff (and for how much stuff it is, something like 40 concerts in 6 different series in 4 different venues), but really, there's no reason I can't do it.

Guys, it's a 9-5 job (with concert nights and weekends, not really that many of them), making $30-35,000 a year with full benefits. This is already better than anything I've done before.

The one catch is that apparently the symphony has a history of
a) telling you that YES YOU WILL GET THIS JOB WE SWEAR IT, only to have it pulled out from under you (see Alex and her personnel manager job, which was promised to her by the conductor himself and then NO),
b) giving you a job and then working the shit out of you (see Andrew, who was librarian and ended up having to actually do all this liason work for the conductor's Phoenix job, which has nothing to do with us at all).

So I don't know. Dream job, but certainly with GREAT reservation. although I really can't afford to be choicy... I don't really care at this point. If I get it, great, but if I don't, at least I know I can survive off everything I'm doing now.*

I got summoned to the box office to work the Lettermen show tonight (the snow put a big crimp in everyone's plans). Fortunately, I have the rest of the week off, and next week too. Maybe now that I've sent the stuff for the Symphony job off, I can FINALLY GET BACK TO MY BOOK.


*And honestly, I was ready to be like, "fuck it, all this part time stuff is freeing me up to start working on my book. GO BABY GO 2010."

(4 watch in envy | show your own talent)

Date:2009-12-07 17:27
Subject:Quickest of updates
Mood: curious

So I got a weird email from the president of the Winston-Salem Symphony today, saying, "A new opportunity has arisen at the Symphony that I wonder if you might be interested in exploring?"


So I get to go down to the office tomorrow morning at 10 and find out about it. Maybe I'm finally about to get a grownup job?

Also, I wasted more time than I needed to formatting the Nanoage for the "free proof copy." Uh, self, shouldn't you worry about the HUGE CHUNKS OF PLOT THAT ARE MISSING first?

More later--am trying to get the music school's spring mailing out--

(1 watch in envy | show your own talent)

Date:2009-11-30 23:03
Mood: tired

Well, I did it! I hit 50,000 words on Nano, though as usual it's unfinished. Still, I FINALLY won one! Been trying to do it since 2003 and FINALLY did it!


AND! un_crayon_rouge, you were right. Not killing the parents after all made for:
a) fantastic angst
b) a very sweet pseudo-reunion scene, which is rather understated (but then again, it happened in the middle of a battle scne, so awesome.)

It's a bunch of dreck, make no mistake. I ened up doing the "girl blows up shit with magic" I was carrying on about over the summer. I had started writing an introduction which needed scrapping to make it Nanoable. I rewrote a bullshitty sort of intro instead, and I hated it but GO GO GO! I'm glad I can cut it now and put the original intro back in, because I love it a lot.

But there are moments of gold in it, too. I know it's probably going to end up being some of those "kill all your darlings" things, but hell.

I don't even care. I can edit and finish it and then I can get my free proof copy and then it will feel like I've done something.

I was going to write one of those long, involved posts about how it was writing, etc, and snippets of all the crap that happened in the meantime. With shitty snippets of said book inserted. Maybe later on. For now, my hands feel like they're on fire, so I need to stop.

(5 watch in envy | show your own talent)

Date:2009-11-18 14:56
Mood: worried

Finished my Canada/ UK cards last night, and mailed them off this morning! ♥ I'm having to do them in phases just to be able to afford the stampage, so no one panic. They might not get to you late as hell!

thisis_industry's card is awesome, though I won't say why yet because I want it to be a surprise for her (if she can read it). I might have to do the same kind of thing for m0ny, too...

Nothing new to report here. Am still employed. Russell came down and told the other old lady that she was working too much and had to be cut some hours (even after she had been not working for about 6 months beforehand). How am I still employed, with everything I do?!? It's a sobering thought, and one that says, "You better count your blessings while you've got them." Though it could end up being me tomorrow. Who knows.

(2 watch in envy | show your own talent)

Date:2009-11-17 18:58
Mood: drained

If I said I missed the box office, I LIED.

I'm coming off a 3 job day. Started at 8:30, where I had to get ready to get the first school show in. Then I had to enter all the sales for it. Then at 11 I had to stay in the box office and let someone else check in schools (and they DID IT WRONG, because there were people that did not pay me). The phone rang for 2 hours straight. And then the box office woman came up to me cheesing and talking about "so can you come at 9:30 tomorrow morning?" And I kept trying to do my Christmas cards in between calls, except then someone had to keep bothering me about how to do something on Facebook (???). Finally, I came up to the music school, where nothing was done because I wasn't there to do it. I got everything done and kept trying to do Christmas cards, except for the part where people kept trying to come in and tell me all about their teenage drama. Nano is starting to go by the wayside because I just can't get enough hours in the day to do everything.

This is making me manic and exhausted. I am too tired to keep this pace up. Can you tell?

(2 watch in envy | show your own talent)

Date:2009-11-13 18:25
Mood: exanimate

Call for addresses for Christmas cards! Comments screened, so go wild.

If I sent you one last year, and you're in the same place (as far as I know), I'll send one to you again. I've got to be good about sending them out, too; I picked up a bunch of Michael Jackson friends that are doing a card exchange, too!

(show your own talent)

Date:2009-11-09 19:05
Mood: impressed


...that's it, really.

(1 watch in envy | show your own talent)

Date:2009-11-02 17:30
Mood: tired

Applying for a job, to no avail.Collapse )

And typing all this out makes me sound so SOMETHING, but I'm frustrated and tired and angry. I don't know why I went to college any more, and I wish I hadn't.

I don't even like what I do anymore. There's nothing I like about any job I have, which is... unsettling. I can't even lie to myself about it anymore.

Actually, just typing all this out wore me out. There was more to go on about, including:
--the night job's continued insistence on having me do all the work, and if I get one toe out of line, screaming at me, while other people can actually BE RUDE to clients and get away with it
--the way I have to watch my finances, because we have to live off $150 for the next two weeks
--the way the parent's consistently being cut from work (due to budget cuts), which gives us even less to work with
--the way one of my cousins is staying with us "until she gets her house fixed" and making unrealistic demands on everything

And I don't mean to be bitchy all the time, but I just can't see a way out of any of it, LJ people.

(show your own talent)

Date:2009-10-13 10:52
Mood: okay

Not too much going on around here to report.

Still no swine flu that I can tell. I think I was just exhausted and needed to slow down and sleep for a couple of days (which I did). Still muscle pain, and that may be just a fibromyalgia kinda thing, but at least I'm functional!

I've been frantically rallying my troops for the school shows. Teachers are a trip, but at least they eventually pay me. I've got a show going on right now, and another one coming up in an hour. My school shows seem to be the only viable series happening at Stevens right now, which is... shocking. I don't think about it too much; I just show up and make them happy so they can keep coming. (Especially since I'm out of the Wed./ Fri. box office job--they can't afford to bring the part-timers back. UNC system is still in a big crisis.)

Music school is music school; it's still open and functional for now. Lisa now has a girlfriend; it's apparently a reunion with her first girlfriend from 20 years ago or something. At least that makes her easier to deal with for now (though work still doesn't get done); heaven help us when it all goes to shit.

I think what I wanted to say in this update, also, is that I almost forgot about Nano! For those who aren't in the loop: write a novel of 50,000 words over November. Yes, you can do it! Just because I haven't seemed to finish one yet doesn't mean YOU can't! Sign up at the Nano website, and if you're doing it, look for me (this screenname, of course)! I'm messing around in the fantasy department this year, mainly because I can't be arsed to worry about ANGST and the HUMAN CONDITION and MUSICIANS ON DRUGS and the usual shit. I still love those poor musicians, and I'm all for "OMG THEY FINALLY GET MARRIED THIS TIME," but I want to do something frivolous, for once--people killing shit with magic sounds pretty fun.

The problem is, though, you have to actually world build and make up a magic system and all that other stuff, which seems to come naturally when you're dealing with litfic and fanfic, and maybe I'll come back and carry on about how frustrating I'm finding it once I get this other show in.

(2 watch in envy | show your own talent)

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